A bit of a learning curve, but deciding to supervise the humans wrapping the presents instead of doing it themselves is really paying off.
Thanks for visiting the blog and we hope you all have a great weekend! We'll be back on Sunday with a special holiday post.
2 comments:
Dear River and Simon,
I am writing this to you today because I don't think I will have the time to write one tomorrow. As you know, I shall be once again making my daily rounds checking my list and so on and so forth. This year I must tell you I have made a Naughty, Nice, and Exceptionally Naughty list. We won't go into what people in that last list have done except to say instead of coal they'll be getting something else...
Anyway, you know I am EXTREMELY SUPER DUPER SHY so tomorrow night you both must make sure that the big and tiny hoomins and yourself are all snuggly warm in bed fast asleep. And Simon please don't leave your toy dump truck laying about. Last year I stepped on it and went "HO HO HO HOLY CRAP!" just before I landed on my behind which is thankfully well padded.
This year might I make a request? Instead of a salty sandwich I was wondering if you could leave out something different? I was wondering if you could leave me a big stuffed Burrito (extra cheese and refried beans please) and a big bowl of Ramen? Just please make sure you don't leave the fireplace lit in case I don't react well to the Burrito. Do not worry that it will impact my health, my doctor said I have the heart of a 30 year old (okay he said 30 year old horse but I left that last part out when I told Mrs. Claus....she nags!)
As you know by now, Mrs. Claus' tradition is to go on a 3-month tropical holiday (which means she drags my pale behind with her) right after I make my deliveries. This year she has gracefully allowed me to return home to change into something less, well, velvet. Last year I was wearing my red velvet suit and just after we cleared Customs and Immigration, this one officer wanted me to sign an autograph and to sing "All Shook Up". So I did. Would you believe he actually said right after "Geez man, that doesn't sound like how I remembered it. Are you sure you're Elvis and not Santa Claus?" (everyone's a freakin' comedian I tell you!)
For this vacation, she wants me to try "zip lining". I looked it up. Nay nay! A pale fat man with straps around his crotch attached to a hook which is on a taut wire suspended between two trees that reach just under warp speed with only a bike helmet to protect me. I swear she's after my life insurance! However, this year I have an out! I have decided to bring my protege Helpful Elf (not exactly elvish; he's 6'5" and built like a Defensive End) who will be serving his penance for not greeting the two of you Happy Birthday. He will do all the strenuous activities while I do the Mai Tai ones. That'll teach him!
Anyway, before this gets too long I will exit stage left. I have requested that your hoomins both big and small give you extra treats and triple long noogies from me. I will see you in just over 24 hours and if you end up seeing me, this whole enterprise goes up in smoke so remember what I said above!
Love,
Santa
p.s. Much like last year, could you also leave a BIG bottle of sunscreen SPF "Holy Geez You're Pale"?
Dear Santa,
Thank you Santa!!! We will follow your orders to the letter and make sure the humans do too! There won't be any problems about your food choices for the holiday and the little human has been mistaken for a vampire a time or two, so the 1,000,000 SPF sunblock won't be hard to come by either. We hope you have fun on your vacation and suggest banana daiquiris and carrotinis.
Please give Helpful Elf our condolences and tell him that it was nice knowing him....er...we mean tell him to have fun with the zipline!
Love,
Simon and River Bun
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