Dear Simon Bun, River Bun, and Crash Test Giraffe,
I am currently burning in this tropical "vacation". Helpful Elf has a concussion from zip lining and Mrs. Claus wants to try spelunking. I initially was going to agree seeing as I thought she meant spelling really long words after several shots of Tequila. It's a good thing I looked it up so I was able to say nuh-uh.
I am 700 pounds and she wants me to trust my life to rope and paracord while hanging over the dark mouth of a cave of indeterminate depth. She might as well shove Scorpions down my pants and tell me to jiggle like a bowl full of jelly on the way down. I've had it up to my neck with her I swear.....
I heard from the Elf who is my Chief of Operations that we had a pipe burst in the North Pole. The entire workshop is flooded and all the equipment used to build toys and invent stuff are ruined. The equipment are several thousand years old and are no longer being made so I may have to cancel deliveries until Christmas 2035...we will see if new equipment can be manufactured in time plus put the elves through equipment training.
Yikes! It sounds like you're going to need a vacation from your vacation. Crash Test Giraffe has helpfully offered his services to help spare your elf friends (who will be needed to help you get your shop up and running again), if Mrs. Claus comes up with any other undesirable activity ideas.
River and I would offer to help, but due to lack of thumbs, we may not be of much use. River mentioned something about insurance policies and seeing commercials where you sing a jingle and an insurance rep magically appears and all of your problems are insta-fixed. I'd sing the jingle if I were you! They can't lie to you on TV, can they?
Good luck and we hope you can get a bit of relaxation in soon!
Also, thank you for the toys and treats this Christmas!
2 comments:
Dear Simon Bun, River Bun, and Crash Test Giraffe,
I am currently burning in this tropical "vacation". Helpful Elf has a concussion from zip lining and Mrs. Claus wants to try spelunking. I initially was going to agree seeing as I thought she meant spelling really long words after several shots of Tequila. It's a good thing I looked it up so I was able to say nuh-uh.
I am 700 pounds and she wants me to trust my life to rope and paracord while hanging over the dark mouth of a cave of indeterminate depth. She might as well shove Scorpions down my pants and tell me to jiggle like a bowl full of jelly on the way down. I've had it up to my neck with her I swear.....
I heard from the Elf who is my Chief of Operations that we had a pipe burst in the North Pole. The entire workshop is flooded and all the equipment used to build toys and invent stuff are ruined. The equipment are several thousand years old and are no longer being made so I may have to cancel deliveries until Christmas 2035...we will see if new equipment can be manufactured in time plus put the elves through equipment training.
Some days I just want to retire...
Love,
Santa
Dear Santa,
Yikes! It sounds like you're going to need a vacation from your vacation. Crash Test Giraffe has helpfully offered his services to help spare your elf friends (who will be needed to help you get your shop up and running again), if Mrs. Claus comes up with any other undesirable activity ideas.
River and I would offer to help, but due to lack of thumbs, we may not be of much use. River mentioned something about insurance policies and seeing commercials where you sing a jingle and an insurance rep magically appears and all of your problems are insta-fixed. I'd sing the jingle if I were you! They can't lie to you on TV, can they?
Good luck and we hope you can get a bit of relaxation in soon!
Also, thank you for the toys and treats this Christmas!
Love,
Simon and River Bun
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