Me: What happened?
Simon: Uh, we had a slight carpet malfunction, but uh...everything's perfectly all right now. We're fine. We're all fine here now, thank you. How are you?
Me: I'm coming over to investigate.
Simon: Uh, uh...negative, negative. Isn't that someone knocking at the door?
River: Yeah! You better go answer it...might be a package you need to sign for or something! 
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