Dear Simon and River,I have a bone to pick with the Easter Bunny and I've sent it up the chain to Santa himself. I asked Santa to have a conversation with EB regarding my "Easter Surprise" which, instead of a cuddly cute bunny whom I was going to groom as my future successor (don't tell my intern), was a bad migraine instead. First the severe concussion from Mrs. Claus' post-Christmas vacation and now this. I am most aggrieved I tell you, most aggrieved indeed!On a different note, I hear we are now testing a new spray called "anti-human stink away". So far we are getting positive feedback from our test group of Moose (Moosises? What the heck is the plural of Moose?), Alpaca, and Howler Monkeys. The Great White Sharks group results were disappointing though mainly because they kept trying to eat the test administrator....silly fishies!Yours,Helpful Elf
Dear Helpful Elf,Oh, no! We hope you feel better soon. Migraines are no fun and from what we've seen, if you miss your window of opportunity for taking yucky medicine, the only thing you can do is try to nap like a bunny and hope the worst of it passes while you're asleep. We're sending you gentle nose-bonks and noogies!We are intrigued by this new spray you've designed. It would definitely come in handy post nail trimming and after having to get yucky medicine/critical care force-feeding. Simon would like to know if you're going to have stock options because he was sick twice this week and gave the humans quite a scare with an early shed and tummy troubles. Stupid global warming and wonky temperatures!Sincerely,River M. Bun and Simon J. BunSuper good little bunnies that are definitely NOT on the 'naughty' list!
Dear Simon Bun,Helpful Elf casually reminded me, between moaning from the migraine, that you had two health issues this week. Now what did I tell you about scaring us?! What did I tell you about making sure you're always eating, drinking, and pooping?!Must I put you on the Not-Even-Coal List this year for scaring us like that?!River Bun, please take care of Simon and see he takes his critical care medicine every time okay?Love,Santa
Dear Santa,Heavy sheds are dumb. I would like to put in a request that River and I can just skip the two times a year that it happens. Getting yucky medicine and force-fed once was bad enough, but after feeling kinda okay and then really not and having to have more yucky stuff the very next evening was no fun at all!I am proud of the fact that I've discovered how to put my tongue in the medicine dropper to spray medicine everywhere or simply not swallow it and let it dribble down my face and bib while staring down the little human. If I'm really lucky, some of it gets all over her clothes and the towel so I don't have to clean it off of myself later. The look of frustration on the little human's face really makes it worth the extra effort.At least we got three servings of greens and some quality time being noogie-groomed by the little human out of this deal (even if she decreased our pellet ration in half and thinks we didn't notice, but we totally did). I mean, we already get all the hay we can eat, but that hardly counts as food. The little human says that I probably saved River from tummy troubles because she always follows me with the shedding. I'm pretty sure River is 90% fur given how much extra was plucked off of her.River was being super nice while I was sick and gave me lots of snuggles and kisses. She may deserve two presents this year...just sayin'.Love,Simon
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